The keys on my keyboard rattle slowly and the fan disturbs the still air in my dark room. Yup, I am awake but I'm not doing anything at all. I am tired, but I'm not sleepy. I want to read my sources, but my brain is too tired to absorb anything. My keyboard illuminates the room, but my thoughts lie in darkness.

MC on Tuesday was one heck of a nerve wrecker. After my paired speech with Joshua a fortnight ago, the stage was set for my individual speech. But along with that stage came the expectations of everyone in class. From my classmates, all the way to my professor himself. The task was fairly simple. Choose a quote and come up with a 4 minute speech. There were no guidelines, just decide on whether you want to entertain, educate or possibly, do both! Now, how difficult could that be?

That's what I thought. With each passing "congratulations!" to my Prof's assessment which promptly ended with a "I'm already looking forward to your individual presentations!", I felt the pressure build up. It slowly became more of what everyone else expected of me. Yes, it even usurped my very own desire to get good grades. I felt the pressure to score well, but that felt so small next to the pressure of living up to the expectations.

Suddenly, the simple process of picking a quote didn't seem so simple after all. So I randomly selected a quote. A quote which I had no idea what to talk about. It felt like a challenge, something that could take my mind off all those expectations. The 'challenge' soon felt like another burden. Days went past, and with each passing day, the growing realization that I may never think of a proper speech weighed heavily on my mind. Slowly, an idea here... a thought there and the speech started to take shape, but at that speed, it'll probably take me a semester to fill a 4 minute void.

The night before, I panicked. Never, ever, had I panicked at the thought of having to give my class a speech. My script was bare. Encouraging friends, anticipating classmates and a panicky speaker-to-be. Macbook in hand, I paced up and down my hall. In my mind I ran through the rough idea that I had, and built upon it bit by bit. Pausing every few seconds to pen every epiphany down. I didn't write a full script for my first speech and I was not intending to write on for this either. By 2 AM, I had what looked like a decent attempt at my quote.

Decent wasn't what everyone was looking for, but considering it was the eleventh hour, it had to suffice. Read, re-read, edit, re-read. That was all I did, in exactly the same number of times as that, and I went to bed.

Morning. Class. Speech. I made the audience laugh. I made them jump out of their seats (literally). I teased, I advised, I shouted, I lied. 5 minutes 50 seconds, and I was done. I didn't feel as good as I felt after I did my first speech, but I take consolation that even though my script wasn't as fantastic or as crafty as those of my classmates', I know no one in class could have delivered such a normal speech in the manner in which I did.

Arrogance? I beg to differ in all humbleness.

My grades for this final speech have yet to be released. But despite the disappointment, I take away some pride. I chose a quote to challenge me, and it did. Yet, I stuck to it and didn't give up and change it. I panicked, freaked out and totally felt lost. Yet, I'm proud to have friends who were there to encourage me and even give me ideas. Lastly, I know I did my best and I could ask nothing more of my self.

Looking back, be it an A+, A, A-, B+,B, B- etc... I feel as though I've already achieved a lot. And with that feeling, I shall put my thoughts to rest and leave the brainstorms till dawn.