I can't recall much of the events that took place during the funeral of a family member close to 10 years ago. I was 9, still young and unaware. I knew the person, but being 2 generations apart, I guess it did not strike me hard. I remember the tears of my grandmother, my aunts and my mother. The man who passed on was a close uncle to them. I just believed that tears were nature's way of saying goodbye.

Yet, today when I received a call from my dad telling me that my uncle had passed on. My reaction was different. Maybe I had expected it, with his deteorating health over the last couple of months as well as his medical history. He was a diabetic, with heart and kidney problems. It was not more than a fortnight ago that he was forced to amputate his leg, and ever since my family has watched him suffer through both the pain of the operation as well as the blow of losing one of his legs. Truth be told, my aunts who knew the agony he was going through were quietly praying that he would actually depart even before his operation as they felt he had gone through more than his fair share of trials.

I wouldn't really say we were that close, but neither were we that far apart. He wasn't the kind of uncle that would accompany you on fishing trips, but rather, the one who would see you around during functions and make it a point to come up to you and chat you up. He was a joyful man, one with jokes and also wise advice. Kind, yet strict. He's the kind of person that you would actually grow to admire rather than the popular uncle whom you would embrace at first sight. The thing that really hit me was that during our last meeting yesterday, his last words to me was actually a very stern advice. Being Deepavali, I was actually put off by it and to a certain extent angry that he had to actually say such things to me on a day like that. Looking back, I don't know why, but it really hits me hard. Seeing him motionless today, I can't help but just recall those last words, and be disgusted at myself that I took things too hard. It's a feeling that I can't shake off... and the guilt just hangs over me. So much for being Catholic and the whole 'Forgive and Forget' thing. I'm such a let down.

So here's to you uncle. I'll keep those last words in my heart despite knowing that I'm not capable of carrying them out. I might have not shed a tear today, but deep down I mourn the loss that no amount of tears could equate to.

Thank You for being a part of my life and may you rest in eternal peace.