Another weekend, another opportunity to know myself better. It's really eye opening to see yourself behave the as the person as someone describes you to be. I've always been told that my ego would be the one part of me that would cause problems. I wouldn't really say that I didn't believe that person, but rather I didn't think that it'll really be much of an issue. Maybe something like a hump on the road instead of a dead end. How wrong was I.

I've too much self pride, too much ego and exhale too much arrogance.

I'm quite sure I'm never going to step into Amanda's car again after last night. As much as I know Andrea didn't mean for the entire thing to pan out the way it did, to me 'Get out' is as good as 'Never come back'. See, it's the pride. I won't ever let it drop, let's not even go to the part about relinquishing it. It doesn't do me any good, I know. But somehow it keeps myself from being me. It has always been my armour to whatever people throw at me, and with it, I find it so much easier to hit them back again. It keeps my ego intact and keeps my arrogant waltz in line.

But I guess, I have changed a bit. Try hitting me last time, and my reply would most probably be a tongue whip lash. Now, I guess I just couldn't be bothered. Someone attributed that to me becoming more self-centred, and again, it's apparently no good. I'll just shut up, exhibit nonchalance and brush off that person. I forgive, but I don't forget.

I'm becoming worst you can conclude. But I guess, we are shaped by circumstances. How often does it pay to be the nice guy? I've always looked at the perennial nice guys, Darren Leong.. Jonathan Lauw. People do acknowledge you are gentlemanly and everything, but there are always people who'll just conveniently walk all over on you. I'm guilty I daresay, just ask Dr. Leong.

Where ever I take myself, I guess I'll just take the fall for it.
Not like anyone's gonna care right?
I am me, let me fall into decadence.