Sitting in class and looking at aurora pictures...
And then a friend of mine uploads a link to 40 wonderful places to travel. The beach retreats, are so welcoming. Bora bora and the Maldives are so serene and nice.
Makes class worst. Thankfully I'm on GRS now, it's not that bad. If I read the article while in GE class, it would have been tragic.
It went alright. The highlight being me finally achieving something more than a C grade for a psychology module. Yes, as meagre a B- might seem as compared to a C grade, I do take heart that the grades for psychology modules have steadily risen from a C- to a C to a B-. Heartening, though slightly more satisfying as this was the exam date that I mixed up. Still remember how horrible I was feeling one day before the paper, and the awful stomach ache that I had to endure the night and morning before it.
I didn't end my math journey on a high. I would have really loved an A-, but I ended up one grade lower. To be honest, I've left this Statistics course learning close to nothing. Everything that I excelled in, I learnt in JC, and everything that was new, I learnt by googling on how to solve them on a GC. It was clearly my fault as I refused to use the tables to solve the statistical problems, I'm pretty sure my understanding of the concepts would have increased by leaps and bounds had I done so. But at the end of the day, I don't see why I shouldn't be making the most out of a GC which would be lying on my exam table. My prof always said we should make the most out of what technology has given us, and he always used the excel PhStat program in class. So, despite me conceding that I could have done things differently to achieve what could have been a better result, I still feel that I did follow his instructions and make the most out of the technological wonder, the GC.
My business mods proved to be GPA savers again. Though as with HCM, the mod which presented sky-high component grades once again fell to a B+. Lightning did strike twice. Sigh. Disappointing, but considering that I spotted questions that were totally wrong, I might just be okay with settling for this B+ unlike HCM where the B+ was, and still is considered a blasphemy. Training and Development was a hard earned A-, and despite it telling me that I don't really want to become a Consultant trainer anymore, I felt it was an eye opening module with an amazing lecturer. I'll miss Chow Wai Fong's lectures, despite them being on a Friday morning.
FT. It was alright, I really wanted an A+, but I guess competition was way too intense.
Last night was slightly sleepless. The main worry was me applying to exchange universities that needed a minimum GPA of 3. Any screw up in my semester 2 mods would totally ruin my exchange plans, and considering that I felt this was not a good sem as compared to the previous one, the jitters were there for all to see. But thankfully, my exchange plans are still on track, and my fingers are still crossed that I get my first choice.
One day, I'll look back at my days in SMU, and I'm sure I'll remember the exams/results jitters. By then, I guess the grades wouldn't really matter as much, but the experiences that I went through, the people who stood by me, encouraging me and by just being there for me, these are the things that I'll take away. And for those who did, if you're reading this, thankYOU very much. (:
Week 1 of term 3A is gone. I still enjoy GRS and I still feel that GE is a waste of time.
It's been a slack week. It doesn't even feel as though I've embarked on a school term. Minus the daily trips to class, I haven't done anything else. My GRS textbook is in pristine condition and I'm still wondering if I need to buy the Physical Science textbook.
It's a quiet and slow week. Exchange applications have taken a huge chunk of my free time, but other than that, I'm just staying alive. Doing nothing much, and just wondering. Free, idle time is not really good when it comes in abundance.
Here I am, in another General Education class. After my first GE class which was biology based, I'm not in one that is Physics and Chemistry based. But both have a common denominator, they're both boring. Zzz.
Summer came, and disappeared into oblivion. 5+0+0 days. That was all the summer I've had. Yet, thinking back it went pretty well. Good food, movies, and the best part of it, company. Over the years, I've come to appreciate that last point more and more.
Summer last year was quite a feast, now I'm going to be in school everyday. If it all works out well, summer 2013 looks promising, so here goes.
An old friend once told me, "I don't need a friend to listen to me because there are some things that I just don't want to say, but I need a friend who would just be there for me, even though I've nothing to say".
I guess I finally see her point. And with that, I see even more clearly, how miserably I've failed her as a friend.
There are things that cannot be undone, and this would just be another addition to my life's regrets.
Worst project group ever. It's annoying that one group mate is just being difficult but doesn't have the guts to come and tell me his viewpoints. For my stats project, we decided to recreate Asch's conformity study in a local context and test it on SMU students. I would totally understand it if the SIS group mate wasn't aware of what the Asch study is and how it was conducted, but it's plain appalling when the SS group mate doesn't know and has to refer to a YouTube video. And the worst part, before I told him to watch the video, he blindly hantam and wrote nonsense in his report. It was such a mistake to include him in the group. Urgh, deadline is today.
On a brighter note, it was a GOOD Sunday. Morning birthday branch with Winnie and the rest. I really wanted to head to Rider's because I thought everyone has been to Hatched, but it's okay, this just means that there'll be another branch at Rider's soon. (Hint hint). I'm still amused by Baby G. She's so much more aware now and I always wonder if what I'm telling her actually gets processed in her brain. Watching her smile, look around in innocent curiosity, coo, throw grumpy fits and getting to play with her... quite destressing! Haha, though I'm pretty sure parenthood is not destressing. =X
Combined choir was a draggy 2h. Made it 'lively' by singing nonsense with Darren and just watching time go by. Easter next week, I guess like every other year, we'll just scream our lungs out and hope for the best.
Birthday dinner with Duane. Chat Masala is quite a nice place, but pricey. Especially since they only serve small portions. The naan was nice, prawn was slightly spicy and the mutton was fiery. Noisy affair that ended off with mini cupcakes and a chocolate cake. It was a sociable weekend, but sadly, not as productive in the schooling terms. ):
Last school week of year 2. Time really flies by. But that'll be a post for another day. Time to play Taize instrumental and do work!
Resignation must be one of the worst feelings ever.
It's that one point where you aren't gonna give up, but at the same time, you know you've done everything within your power. Yet, it still does not come to fruition. Resignation is being condemned, it's being tired, it's being jaded.
Despite feeling that way, I still feel lost. I don't deny the obvious, neither do I live in my own delusions. That said, I just don't know what to do, or how to do it anymore. I am just left with a million and one thoughts, assumptions, possibilities but no solution.
Yup, it's one more March 19, and I'm one more year into life. Birthday are usually quiet affairs, my last birthday party was when I was 8, and that ended with my crying for half the party because I felt violated. Haha, looking back now, it's quite amusing, but at that point of time, I was beyond horrified.
Through the years, it became simple family dinners. In primary school, no one actually celebrates birthdays because no one knows when they come and go. In VS, it was always better to lie low during birthdays. The birthday boy usually gets stripped or flag pole-d or thrown into the school pond or a combination of the three. Thus, it's usually not very enjoyable for the birthday boy, but a treat for the rest of us. Thankfully for me, my birthday always fell during the March holidays, so I escaped. In JC, it was commemorated, only the girls had their birthdays celebrated. Army, it was birthday off-s, which was quite a reward at that time. Uni, well, it's definitely celebrated, but I tend to stay away from school on the day itself. Thus after so long, birthday-s didn't really carry much significance anymore.
So this year was something different. I had a planned birthday dinner that did not involve my family. It was at Angus Steakhouse, Ngee Ann City. It's a nice place, tucked inside a part of the building which I never knew existed. It didn't feel too 'atas' but it was comfortable, an interesting self-playing piano that played a short list of tunes. I was singing a few of them quietly, but the only one I can recall now is Billy Joel's 'And So It Goes'. Oh wait, there was Peter Cetera's song as well. Australian wagyu, chocolate mousse, fish starter, salad, and a nibble of pasta amidst good company. Winnie, Sandrine and Noel treated me to dinner as a present! Laughter, smiles, chuckles, jokes and baby babble. I had a good night, thank you!
BirthDAY itself saw a total change of plans. I was scheduled to interview a funeral director for IO Psyc in the afternoon and have dinner with my parents later at night. However, a miscommunication saw a massive change of plans and my interview was moved to the night. That meant that the usual family dinner had to make way and be on hold. A drive to Seletar Hills, and an eye-opening interview with the funeral director. Driving through such estates, I like to see all the different landed houses. I still have a preference for houses with a wide frontage and stopping at 2 stories. I digress.
A one hour interview. A simple birthday supper and a filling cream/banana/chocolate cake to bid adieu to another March 19. Thank you!
After holding out for the 5 all these while, I'm just gonna be practical and go with the 4S.
I need a phone that could whatsapp, SMS, iMessage, provide directions, call, surf the net, listen to music, Facebook and wake me up. The 4S does all these. It's a good looking phone, and has a nice screen as well. I'm contented with the screen size, even though the new Androids make it look puny.
iPhone 5 is probably gonna be quite a leap. Bigger screen, maybe even a better screen, a rumoured multi-touch home button etc etc. But that probably means a bulkier phone.
When I first got my Nokia 8250 in Sec 1. I was quite contented. I told myself I'd use the phone for as long as I can. But then, new models came out. I had the habit of changing phones once every year. That also meant that everytime I lost my phone, I pay a very high price. Now, that thirst for technology and the need to have the newest things have become a thing of the past.
I would willingly keep my 3GS if it was working fine. The dropping of calls, and the crashing of whatsapp which prevents me from getting replies is something that I can't stand. Now that 4S prices have dropped to a decent level, it's a decent time to get one as well.
1) Graphic calculator died on me, one week before my stats quiz.
2) I realised I missed my internship talk.
3) I spent almost the entire week in school.
4) Godfather's dad passed on.
Break? What break? Yup, that would summarise this week. It was either meetings, or there was work to be done that could not be done at home. The whole week felt like a normal school week with the absence of classes. Life's like that.
My faithful TI-84 Plus unceremoniously died. Barely a month after changing both sets of batteries and getting warmed up to using it again, it has gave up on me. My dad said he dropped it recently, but argues that he was still able to switch it on after the drop, thus absolving him of the blame. I still think the drop caused a slow death. Hmph. Trying to do stats with the normal scientific calculator has been a real pain, and for now, all I'm doing is writing out the distribution steps to those sums. Life's like that.
I missed the wretched internship talk. A talk so great and life/internship changing that it would have a startling effect on my internship. Or so it seems. I don't see how important that talk is, so much that missing it rules out an entire summer's worth of recognised internship. If it's that important, they should have incorporated it into my freshmen briefings since they did the same to the community service talk. I do admit it's my fault for missing it, but to be so inflexible, really... disappointing. Life's like that.
My godfather's dad passed on. It was for the better I guess. After his leg amputation at the end of last year, his health had been steadily deteriorating and the loss of his legs had made him pretty upset about life. He was a nice man, always smoking his pipe and riding his motorised wheelchair around and just spending his time around Singapore instead of staying at home. Rest in peace Godgrandfather! Hm! Life's like that.
A few days ago, I read one which went along the lines of dating a girl who travels.
The traveling version was an interesting read, but this post is more raw. It's dreamy, yet it does not go to the extent of being too mushy. Reading the text, the words paint a nice picture of love and the beautiful memories that it creates. The portrayal of how fantasy can morph into something real is hopeful, to say the least.
Date her, marry her, grow old with her. The girl who takes photographs.
You know how they keep on harping the phrase, "Change is the only constant"?
Well, I've always been a comfort zone person. I will find that sweet spot and just stay there till it's no longer one that provides me with its aegis.
Maybe I've hit that stage. I've been having a comfortable life. My tastes, my preferences, my schedules have all been kind to me thus far. But I feel as though I've hit a snag... I've become too comfortable that I'm regressing.
The same social groups that never fail to brighten up my days, the same lifestyle that is both healthy and fun at the same time. I've stuck to what I like for the longest time, and as they say, without moderation everything becomes poison.
Maybe it's time to break out. Start anew. But before that, it's time to find what I want. And I won't be able to do that with external influences. When I put the word 'alienate' on Facebook, it was referring to totally something else. But barely a minute after that went up, one call and suddenly that word started to bear more reason that the previous minute.
Alienate and wander. Maybe I don't have to find something else, but I just need to break the monotony of my current life. But even then, I guess it's time to go solo.
I hope I'll remember this post come the end of this year. I want to see if my wanderings did lead me to something different, or whether it reinforced that what I have is all I need.
Time and time again, they really do surprise me, yes, even after close to 22 years!
From the nice things they do like play games with each other, helping each other with their chores and all. I guess the latter is kinda expected of couples, but it's just how they do it.
Recently, my mum was involved in Divine Mercy's Parish Mission. It's a project where she has to coordinate a group of volunteers and find out who are the catholic families living in about 20 blocks around my neighbourhood. As group leader, she had to source for volunteers, drivers, guides and even walk door-to-door to interact with the catholic families and arrange dates for them to meet the priests. She just drags my dad along.
After compiling all the census data, she had to input it in excel sheets, and she's one person that only knows how to play games and watch dramas on the com. So she outsourced it to my dad. He just sat down the whole day, doing it one by one. My mum would pop by and nag at his typos, nag at how he doesn't space things, about additional columns that are useless, she just nags. But my dad, who's doing this just for her, would go on. He'll get a little annoyed, he'll frown a little, maybe even tell her to go and watch tv and just let him do it, but that all said, he'll continue doing it just for her.
I've seen my parents argue, I've seen them quarrel... it's normal. But over the years, I've seen so much more love between them than anything else. They aren't the typical american parents on TV who would give each other a peck on the cheek before leaving for work or anything, but it's through the simple things of helping, being there and even friendly jibes/comments.
I do get jealous. Haha, yes, I'm jealous of the love my parents have found. To go through everything all these years, and still be in love with each other in their own unique way. They still go for marketing dates in the morning, shopping trips in the afternoon, and recently, involved in church activities together.
Looking at the world around me. Break-ups, divorces, cheating and all, it's comforting to know that I've a wonderful example of being in love right at home. (:
"Victorians, for Inter-Unit Campcraft Competition 2012, Victoria School Team 1 and Team 2 both qualified for the Finals on 3 March after defeating 146 other teams.
Viva La Victoria!
Nil Sine Labore."
- Mr Chan Chow Hung's Facebook status.
It put a wide smile on my face.
It's been 8 years since my own Campcraft journey, but it's definitely the most memorable and painful time in my entire NPCC career.
Trials were just the beginning. Having to learn the basics of knot tying, the theory of lashing and the techniques to peg, coordinate and make everything look perfect. It was a cruel process of knock-out, and it was during this process that I decided to give my all in trying to be part of the pioneering team instead of the tent pitching one. Campcraft consists of tent pitching, pioneering and flag staff. The first one consists of the team that pitches the tent, the second consists of the team that sets up the pioneering structure and the last team that sets up the flag pole. I spent the whole month of December, and it felt like I was part of 'Survivor'. Come January, it was down to just 2 people vying that for final pioneering slot and it was bittersweet that it went to me as the other person was a very good friend of mine.
Between the months of January and March 2004, the earliest I reached home was 8pm. School usually ended at 2.15pm and training would start at 3pm. Training would stretch all the way till 7pm and it'll be too dark to do what we do safely. Water breaks and debriefs were the only times we weren't in the thick of the action. (Minus the one time where Addison and I fled due to a swarm of bees that conveniently flew into our training pitch. We returned half an hour later after a self-declared water break in the canteen).
Saturday trainings were even longer. While the rest had their normal CCA day, our training started at 8am and stretched all the way to 5.30pm. I do look back in amazement and wonder how we could spend so many hours doing the same thing over and over again. The level of perfection that we slowly attained was simply unbelievable. All the 14 pegs made perfect rectangles around the tent. The angles at which the pegs were pegged into the ground were perfect 45 degree angles. The knots on all 14 strings were tied exactly 1m above the pegs and all our hoops were exactly 2cm wide.
Pioneering was the structure that I built with Siu Sing. We had to create a structure and tie a mystery list of knots that would only be given to us one minute before the competition starts. At the beginning of training, it took us about 4 minutes to complete the entire task. Before competition itself, we hit a 2min+ timing. Our lashes were immaculate and I could do every single know/lash without even having to think of it. It just naturally flowed.
We got through the preliminary rounds with a bit of luck. During the prelims, while the judges were judging our tents, the tension caused 4 out of the 14 twines to snap. The twines were lousy. But as the judges had already seen that masterpiece and were actually there when it snapped, they judged us on the original structure and we got high scores. Other schools weren't that lucky.
Then came the one day that we were working so hard for. March 20, 2004. I'll never forget that date. We made our way to the Old Police Academy at Thomson. It was the quietest bus ride there. Nerves, running through all the steps in our head and simply just anticipating what was to come. None of us ate breakfast that morning. I remember lining up in front of our allocated tent site and the organiser passing me the list of knots that I had to do. I tucked it in my track pants pocket and the horn sounded.
The next 7+ minutes went by in a flash. It was like a well-oiled machine that was going through the motions. We looked at our final product and it was really an emotional moment. All the months of hard work, it was right there in front of us. A tent that was perfectly symmetrical, a pioneering structure that was tough enough to withstand a hurricane and the crown jewel, the vertically upright flag staff on which the VS flag was unfurled. Seniors were walking around, looking at the final set-ups from other schools. They made one whole round, came back smiling from side to side and gave us a thumbs up.
Results time. We were 7th. SEVENTH. Our hearts sank. The whole camp ground went silent. Every single school there were expecting us to win, and yet it was announced that we were seventh. We went up, collected our trophies and just slumped back onto the grass pitch. My seniors were already tearing, my teachers were in shock and everyone else from the CCA were subdued into silence. Prize presentation ended.
We never deserved to lose. It might sound biased, it might sound skewed coming from me, but we know it. The team that spent the last 3 months together almost everyday. We had at least 5 blisters on every palm, all of us (yes, me included) became blacker after all those hours under the sun. The sacrifices, the pain (literally)... everything we had gone through. We just sat there crying. Our seniors just sat with us and cried. Teachers went around trying to lift our spirits, but you could see the sadness in their eyes. Losing wasn't the worst part, but losing when we all felt that it was unfair was the heartache.
I'll never forget that day. Nor will I ever forget the process of Campcraft. We all moved on, the seniors signed off and the rest of us took over the Exco. We achieved success in so many other ways during our 4 years there, but this one will always haunt us. If anything, this was the one true time that I learned and laboured. Nil Sine Labore at its finest.
At the end of the day, deep in the hearts of the 9 who stood on that pitch, we knew we were the best.
Resignation must be one of the worst feelings ever. 
